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December 2006 - Strategy Magazine
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Holiday time in Ad Land

by Darren Clarke & Shawn James
page 82

Well it's that time of year again when you get to elbow your way through the disgruntled crowds while trying to spend time and money you don't have on people you don't like buying things they don't want. Can't you just smell the holiday spirit?

In this climate of goodwill and giving, we asked Darren Clarke, writer/VP group CD and art director Shawn James at Cossette to help everyone out with some wishlist thoughtstarters (and to prevent any more terrifying " viral" e-cards that inflict agency types singing carols on the unwary e-mail opener). Personally, we here at strategy are partial to shortbread and nog.

Since this is the season of giving, let's do some giving...

-An 'assembly required' tandem bike goes to Neil French and Nancy Vonk.

-The gift of a prepaid legal name change goes to Heinz ketchup's new agency president, Arthur Fleischmann. (Arthur Heinzmann might make those client introductions a little smoother.)

-A blow torch goes to newly independent Bensimon Byrne for all their remaining agency cab chits.

-The gift of a free two-hour consultation with union leader Buzz Hargrove goes to all the underpaid overworked advertising animals.

-A paying job goes to the old Canadian Tire Beardy Guy to fix those squeaky aisle signs hanging down in all their new tv ads.

-To those less fortunate: the agency interns, a lovely Starbucks gift card and a waiter's tray.

-To those more fortunate: the Grip partners we gift you nothing. What more could you possibly want?

-Which brings us to the Capital One Hands In My Pocket folk. To the pocketee: a restraining order. To the pocketor: some hand sanitizer.

-And finally, to the wives of those wonderfully candid Viagra men, we give to thee an inflatable donut cushion and a pack of butts.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, etc...

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